I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
