So drunk its hurt
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
