i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
