R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
