im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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