Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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