you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
