Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
