I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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