you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
