Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
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