I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
