im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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