Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
