it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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