saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
