put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
