Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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