it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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