Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
