He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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