UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
