3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
