i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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