She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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