I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
MIDGETS
????
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
