i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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