i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
