your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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