Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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