Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
