fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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