I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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