I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
