How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
