Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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