You're so nebulous sometimes
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
