I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
