Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
