I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
she peed on how many people?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
