yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
