I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
