Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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