My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
did i walk over a car last night?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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