You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
