just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
