my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
