The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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