if you like me you must not know who I am
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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