20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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