it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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