I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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