my mouth tastes like poor choices
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Randomize
