we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
