he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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