My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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