Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
