so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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