I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
