Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
