home. puking in laundry basket.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
