she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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