Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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