I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
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Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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