I don't usually arrange sex via text message
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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