Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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