He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
