I heard we made out
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I love having hate sex.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
