Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
