My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
