ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
