I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
