Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
