It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
